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August 2010:

Tink,

July 18th was a weekend I had been looking forward to. On a Saturday night about 2:30 am as I was headed home from a birthday celebration for a friend of mine and as I exited off the highway my tires caught some oil or gravel not sure which  but resulted in me  losing control of my motorcycle.

I remember the sickening sound of the bike hitting the asphalt, windshield crumpling, and the slamming of my body into the ground. I remember sliding and hitting something which turned out to be a pole with a breakaway base, and sliding some more till I came to a stop. I looked up as I lay on the ground and thought to myself I am alive but then realized I was having trouble breathing which I thought was a case of the wind  being knocked out of me. At the time I didn't realize it but a car had been behind me and witnessed the accident. One of the people in the car said they saw me get up and start to take off my motorcycle helmet but shortly after fall backwards landing on my back and striking my head again. Good thing I still had my helmet on. As I lay there I soon realized I was hurt pretty bad and didn't want to lose consiouness. I heard a voice tell me "Stay Down!"  You are hurt bad! I said the best I could, call this number and tell my wife! He continued to hold me down telling me that they are coming for me. He said he could see what appeared to be my heart so stay still and he continued to try and keep me from getting up. I guess here is where I succummed to my injuries and lost consiouness. The two occupants of the car remained with me till the fire department and the paramedics arrived. They were trying to get me stabilized and my vitals were up and down and erratic. Air Life was strongly being considered but the desicion was made to transfer me to a major military trauma center now and not wait. They said my breathing had stopped once and had to have a machine do the breathing for me. I ended up in the hospital for 16 days with broken ribs, a broken scapula, bones in my back were fractured, lacerations to my left hand, elbow, and a deep gash to the right front of my shoulder. My left side, left arm, and the left part of my back suffered severe road rash and skin grafts had to be taken from both of my legs to repair the damage done by sliding close to 200ft with little more than a t-shirt, helmet and gloves. I will be in recovery for 3-6 months. I feel good now and am healing. I am just glad to be alive!.

John

Dear John,

I am so glad that you are able to express your thankfulness even in the midst of painful memories and painful recovery.

Yes! When we come so close to death, we are given the gift to see and celebrate how precious and amazing life is. "I am just glad to be alive!" is a prayer of gratitude that comes from deep within the spirit of a human being! I am so glad you are alive, too!

You start your letter by telling us about how happy you were to be celebrating at a birthday party. In stark contrast your day ended in mental and physical anguish.

You share so many difficult details of the crash. I am so glad that you can do this. Telling your story, as much as you need to, will help your mind deal with the fright and anxiety it has experienced over what has happened to you. Tell it often and you will heal faster. Tell it to help yourself but realize that you help others avoid your mistakes and keep themselves safer. Tell it to help and heal others!

As riders we need to heed the lesson you are sharing: That no matter what we are thinking or feeling, we must ALWAYS be diligent in minimizing our risk factors. We must ALWAYS ride as though we have (1) something to learn and (2) as though no one else sees us.

I think especially about new riders (but ALL riders should listen) and what they can take away from your story. Some things might be, to limit solo night riding when we cannot see as well or respond as nimbly and to always wear all our gear every time. One more thing to remember is never take off a crash victims helmet. Leave that to the E.R. Doctors.

My standard response when people ask why I wear all my gear when it is so uncomfortably hot is: "I can live through hot". All it takes is a split second as you have described and life changes forever. Better to have all the protection available to you, working for you.

John, I know how hard it is to get rid of the crash picture in your head.

It goes around and around and around. But, it does that for a reason....so keep talking about it and sharing your experience, and it will lessen the more you do.

Thank you for coming here and sharing with us. So many will take your story to heart and learn from all of it.

I know I speak for many who will read this when I wish you a speedy recovery.

Please let us know how you are getting along and about any decisions to ride or discontinue riding in the future. As you share your thoughts you continue to help others who maybe trying to make their own decisions about riding or not. You just never know how your on-going story will help someone else.

Many Thanks, John, and many blessings!

Your sister in spirit,

Tink

August 2010:

My son was in a motorcycle accident in Leoi, Thailand, on July 15, 2010, and is in the Bumrungrad International Hospital in Bankok.  i know he is receiving the best of care.  his wife is with him 24/7, she will not leave him.  his jaw is broken as are several bones in one of his arms.  the real problem is with his head injuries.  he does not know who he is.  he does not know his wife or daughter.  he talks like someone on drugs all spaced out, but with a head injury there are no drugs.  i am so afraid.  he may or may not regain his memory.  doctors don't know.  would be nice to be able to talk with someone who has been where i am.  he is on my mind constantly.  i try to think of other things, but i cannot.  he is a good man.  a good husband, father and a good provider.  he is in God's hands.

TIL WE MEET AGAIN!  LOVE MARYJO

Dear MaryJo,

I am so very sorry to hear that your son has suffered a crash. I also want you to know that I understand from what you have shared that it is causing you a great heartache to be so far away from your son at a time when he is so vulnerable.

As a mother you want nothing more than to comfort him and support his wife, to take care of them both while they are in pain. He physically and she mentally and emotionally.

It is okay not to be able to think of other things. Your mind is centering on your son for a reason. I believe that this is a form of prayer and I also believe that the love filled prayer carries a great energy. We are physical beings but we are also spiritual beings. This spiritual energy can bring others comfort, a sense of peace and even healing. I would encourage you to stop fighting the desire to center on him. When you try to fight it, it makes you very agitated and restless...unfocused. If you take the time to sit, calmly and peacefully and allow yourself to focus on him, you will find that you are more peaceful and centered in your own thoughts and feelings. Think of him and send him your love, your strength,
your comfort, your healing. When you think of him take a deep, cleansing breath and as you exhale, imagine your calming breath washing over him...over his wife.

To my readers, please fell free to contribute your words of encouragement to MaryJo.

your sister in spirit,
Tink

March 2010:

Tink,

I stumbled upon your site quite by accident. But then again, I don't believe anything happens by accident or coincidence. I would like to share with you the story of my son, Joseph, who is now riding his Yamaha 636 on the streets on heaven.

For a little background, my husband and I have been riding motorcycles for over 30 years. When Joseph came to us and said he wanted to get a bike we couldn't say no. He had saved his money and bought a small Ninja 250.

Being over 6 feet tall he soon realized this bike was way too small for him. So he looked and saved a little more money and traded it in on a new Yamaha 636. When my husband went to get his tag he told the lady to pick out a good one. His tag number was 6636. If you take the first 6 off, that's the bike he had "636". If you add the numbers together they add up to 21 - that's how old he was when he died. Joseph was a very mature and responsible young man. At his young age he had more sense and earned more respect than a lot of adults I know. He was looked up to and respected by his peers as well as adults he came in contact with.

I was wanting to get my own bike and one afternoon he came to my office and was helping me look on the internet for a used bike. He got a call from a friend who needed his help. That was just like him, he would give you the shirt off his back or drop whatever he was doing if a friend needed his help. Anyway, I walked with him down to his bike, hugged him and told him I loved him. That was the last time I saw my son alive. Later that night (around 11 pm) he and some friends went to a fast food restaurant to meet up and then ride. When they left he and another boy decided to race on the interstate around a really sharp curve. Joseph didn't do the stunts like some of his friends (wheelies, etc.) but he did like riding the curves and seeing just how fast he could take them. That night he didn't make the last curve. Going over 110 mph he must have hit some gravel (we'll never really know) and was thrown in to the guardrail, flipped and landed in a culvert on the side of the road. His bike kept going and hit the bridge just ahead of where he went down. To this day there is still a chip of blue paint on the concrete pillar of the bridge. Joseph's best friend was in a car behind the group of bikers and was able to stop and run over to him. He held my baby son in his arms as he took his last breath. The coroner said he died on impact. Over 700 people and over 50 sport bikes were at his funeral.

I was scheduled to take the motorcycle safety course the very next weekend. Obviously I couldn't, but I did later that year. I now have two bikes of my own (a 2003 HD Sportster and a 1989 HD Heritage Softail.)

Whenever my husband and I ride, we feel Joseph's spirit riding along with us. That was something we had wanted to do as a family...ride together, us on our cruisers and him on his sport bike.

So many things have happened since Joseph died 5 1/2 years ago (May 24, 2004) where he lets us know he is still around, people just wouldn't believe or understand us.

I miss my son more than I can ever tell you, but I know that one day I will see him again in heaven.

I love you, Joseph.....Mom

Thanks for letting me share my story.

Robin

My eyes well up with tears, as I am certain many eyes do when you share these memories. Thank you for sharing with us such intimate and personal memories of your boy, Joseph.

I have a son who will turn 21 soon and as a mother of a boy I can understand your love for him...I will give him an extra squeeze for Joseph today.

Your story touches me in so many ways. I hear your deep and lasting grief over losing your precious child but I also hear the strength and peace you have been blessed with gaining over the years since his death. I hear the great pride you have in him as a good and loving person as testified to by the shear numbers attending his funeral. I especially admire your resolve to continue with one of your own life goals; the dream of riding your own. And, dare I say, I hear the joy you are able to embrace, and then share with your riding companion (s), each and every time you ride. You are a blessing and wonderful example to your family, friends and now the readers here. Your story will touch and teach so many!

 I believe I speak for all of us who ride when I say we believe he does ride with you and that we know that each and every time you throw a leg over you are able to experience a bit more healing as the wind washes over you. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story of Joseph with us.

Blessing to you Robin,

Your sister in spirit,

Tink

October 2009

Hi Tink,

I spend my lunch hours at work going through the internet hoping to find, someone out there that can help me go through our ordeal, and while I get encouragement every time I read a story of hope and life and moving on, I feel it necessary to share my husband’s story with you.

Hugh and I were married on Dec. 5, 2008. It was a impromptu wedding, his mother had terminal cancer and would not survive long enough to see her only son get married. We had the most beautiful intimate ceremony of our close friends and family, and planned a rather large wedding in May of 2009 for everyone.  On May 23, 2009 we celebrated and danced and enjoyed riding from  the ceremony to the reception, dress and all, on our Harley. This Harley was special, our first date was shared on it and we rode often.

On June 24, 2009 his 42nd Birthday Hugh was riding home from  work, with his helmet on, and was struck by another driver. This van saw him and still inched over the double yellow line hitting Hugh with a force of about 45 mph. I arrived at the scene within five minutes while he was still under the cement truck, and was shocked at the amount of blood on the ground (and I'm a nurse). Paramedics were already planning on how to get him out of there in one piece. We understand that when the Van hit Hugh his left side was broadsided, he went airborne for a little while and landed on his foot peg and then proceeded to slide about 50 feet and landed under a parked cement truck, after sliding through a mound of fine dust. Within 55 minutes he was in surgery at Santa Clara Valley Medical Center in San Jose, he had an 11% chance of survival. Three hours later I was told by a team of fourteen Orthopedic Surgeons that they would be unable to save his left leg and will be working through the night to save him. After fifteen hours in surgery, Hugh was taken to TICU in a coma for two days, overall he had 9 different compound fractures, his left arm and wrist were shattered and needed more surgery, his pelvis and hip were broken, the left Femur had compound fractures in three places and the leg was amputated below the knee. Hugh is a recovering addict, he has spent the last ten years in recovery and was now hooked up to machines, pain medications and it all seemed hopeless. And then our support started to flow in to the hospital, friends, family, prayers, food and hope began to show up again. My son who is 22 stayed with me every minute of the day, making me eat, sleep and pray. After 23 days Hugh was released from the hospital on Oxycontin, Percodan, Percocet, Neurontin and immobile. We had a Hospital bed in the living room, I spent five years as a nurse so was able to take care of him at home, we have been able to combat any infections so far and his hope...is high. He has never felt sorry for himself, he has been diligent in his recovery and taken the medications as prescribed, we have a tablet and every dose is written down, he puts the times/amounts  down and has not taken it out of the Doctor's order.  He has weekly meetings with other men in recovery that help him to discuss the medications and through it all we have gotten stronger than ever, my love for him has grown into respect, belief and trusting him to do the
right thing.  God has given us the blessing of Hope. Hugh has been dealing with the loss of his mother, the loss of the leg, the physical therapy, the emotional pain of taking medication in recovery and still laughs and jokes and cries and shows his emotion. He will be getting his prosthetic in two weeks, and that first step will be monumental for us. Its been a long road and I am grateful we chose to see the gift life has to offer. We are lucky, he lived and only lost his leg.

I hope someone out there going through the pain, and worry I felt in those first few days, weeks and months can get some hope from this story. It is my belief that had we not made the choice to give the glory to god and see the gifts this creates, then we would be angry and resentful over the loss of what we thought was supposed to happen in our lives.

Michelle

Dear Michelle,

I don't know where to start.

It seems that I say this so often and I do not want it to be so familiar to the readers and contributors that it becomes insignificant, but...

Thank you for contributing!

I know that your love for others and concern for their safety and their peace during a possible crisis motivates you to share this difficult experience and that your love of God gives you the continued courage and strength to do so.

I imagine that as men and women read your story they will be moved by the details of the accident and inspired by, not only your husband's strength and determination, but yours and your family's as well.

I also find it very inspiring to hear about how you were blessed by so much love and concern and help from others outside of your family.

Your story speaks for itself and I have nothing to add except to send your husband and you my heartfelt condolences over the death of his mother, your mother-in-law, and to thank you on behalf of riders everywhere for sharing your story of Pain, Fear and Grief and then of ultimate Love, Strength and Determination.

Many Blessings, Michelle, and please keep us updated.
your sister in spirit

Tink

June 2009

Dear Tink

I wasn't real sure if I would share my story with you until today when I saw another bike down the same way I did. It brought me to tears to see this young lady able to walk away with only a few scratches. I was very glad to see that see she was wearing safety gear, chaps, gloves, boots, jacket and helmet.  I'm sure they helped to keep her from any further injuries. As for my crash, the jacket saved my arm for being scraped even more, and the boots I was wearing kept my foot in one piece.  I have been riding for many years.  I took the safety courses and read the books on safety.  I learned from the more experienced riders in my group.

I Started with dirt bikes and then to street bikes.  I believe that I was a very safe rider, always looking out for the other guy.  I bet I was lucky a dozen times before I went down.  I guess it's not always what you got going but what the person next to you, on that same road has going, with cell phones, cds, and other gadgets.  A biker has to hope that others take caution around them and pay them some attention to what is going on.
 
So I begin my story in Tehachapi, California, May 10 2008.  I was visiting my dad for the weekend and was getting ready for the trip back to Thousand Oaks, where I live.

I always like to stay off the main roads and highways as much as possible just to avoid the traffic and enjoy the sites ahead of me.  After saying good bye to pops, I drove out of BEAR VALLEY SPRINGS and headed home. I had one last stop to get gas and then I was on my way.  I stopped at the light and turned right onto Tucker Road...first gear, second gear...and the car pulled out in front of me, from a shopping center. All I saw was the back of the drivers head she wasn't paying attention to me at all.  I didn't even have time to hit the brakes.  The next thing I know, I'm on the ground trying to stand back up.  I fell back down and realized I was in bad shape.  As I lay on the asphalt, I could hear footsteps running my way, thank God it was an off duty paramedic coming to my side.  She helped me stay calm.  She got a hold of my love ones while talking to me the whole time. I was a mess!  The list goes as follows:

Broken tibia and fibula, broken ulna and radial, 5 broken ribs, punctured lung, bruised gallbladder (which they took out later) and opened my pelvis.

Needless to say I went to the trauma center in Bakersfield were I spent the next 25 days. The first 3 weeks I really don't remember a lot.  My wife, pops, and Tommy stayed at my side.  My family and friends were there  while they took me in and out of the emergency room.  This is where they put me together with screws and plates in my ankle and pelvic.  My arm was put back in place and casted.  My ribs...you really can't do anything to so they looked for ways to keep me comfortable (lots of morphine) and tried to get my gallbladder and pancreases back in working order.  I was released in June to head home, thinking the worst was behind me.  Well it turns out a week after being home, I got pneumonia and then had a gallbladder attack.

I had to be ambulanced to Los Robles Hospital with a rotten gallbladder.  Here, I spent another 3 weeks and another 4 operations until I was truly on the road to recovery.  It was 6 months to the day that I was back to work.  I just received my last operation on my arm, although it won't be 100%, I'm
alive and well on this fine day in March.  I spent a lot of time in P.T. still going for the arm.  I am very lucky to be alive, and I think back at the many times that I avoided a crash and was lucky.  My loving wife, family, and friends made all the difference in the world for my recovery. Almost a year later and I'm getting around pretty good.  For me, my riding days are over.  God was watching over me once again and this time I think I'll listen and hang up the chaps.  The Harley was a complete loss but my family and friends gave me love and hope and encouragement to get thru this ordeal.

I was truly blessed to have God on my side.  I am thankful that the young lady I saw today only had a scratch or two and she will be okay.  For me, it just confirmed any thoughts of me riding again, won't be happen!

There are a lot of people riding these days and a lot of people that don't pay attention for one reason or another.  It's crazy to see love ones in as much pain as you are.  I hope and pray that my friends that ride, always stay safe on their travels.  And I hope God is as good to them as he has been to me.  I am sure that a lot of people get back on a bike after a wreak and continue to have fun.  For them, I wish them well and safe travels.  Please don't let those others talk you into it if your heart is not.  Life is short and there's a lot of ways to see it.

Thanks for listening!

Ed.

Dear Ed,

I am so thankful that you are able to share your story here with us on Biker's Haven.

So often we experience something very intense; something so physically and emotionally painful that we can't even begin to speak out loud about what has happened to us. We replay and replay the trauma in our minds eye but can't get it our verbally in order to purge it from our bodies and our spirit.

Biker's Haven is here for just that very reason. To give people like you, who can find the words, the quiet space to share your story in order to encourage those who have not yet found their voice to share.

When we share our stories we begin to heal. Every time we tell our story we begin to lesson the intensity and the painful grip it has on us. We will always carry it with us but we begin to control it instead of it controlling us.

Also, reading about someone else's experience may just give a reader the permission to accesses their own feelings about what has happened to them or to a loved one. The may be reading and for the very first time cry for themselves and their own deep fear and pain and anger and begin a deep healing process. A process that leads them to speak the truth about their many levels of pain...and leads them to even deeper healing.

Thank you Ed for sharing your story and your true feelings.

I pray that you continue to heal on all levels and continue to help to heal others by sharing it.

your sister in spirit

Tink

March 2009

Hi Tink,

Thank you for this site, I have been looking for a while for some where to identify with others. My story begins before my accident and it has a lesson I believe. The Lord does answer prayers as many of us know. But we must be careful of what we pray for.

My wife and I were separated for about a month or two after 10 years of marriage.I have been a man of faith for a number of years and I was taking the separation quite hard. I was praying continually and staying in close contact with my Pastor and a few other close friends. I attend a church called Church in the Wind ( It is
by bikers, and for bikers ). At the time I was working in Wyoming but I lived in Denver Colorado. I would ride down on the weekends and spend time with my pastor and the church group for support. We always prayed for direction, wisdom and strength. We also continued to pray for my wife that the lord may move here to be willing too me back to work on our marriage.

On one of my trips down I got together with my pastor and his wife. We prayed and I cried. The pastor’s wife asked if I wanted to say a special prayer, while warning me the last two times she said this prayer the Lord answered but they were not soft or easy answers. I love my wife so much and was lost without her so i agreed to move forward with this prayer.

The short version was for the Lord to do whatever it takes to bring my wife back home to me. Well the next week the Lord answered. On August 2nd, 2008 I was on my way to the black hills rally in Sturgis, South Dakota. As we hit Cheyenne Wyoming I had a rear blowout going about 65 mph and lost control of my bike. I laid it over on its side but it flipped. I had no helmet on and after tumbling with the bike I landed face first in the middle of the highway. The bike landed on me then rolled another 40 or 50 feet I'm told. I was awake the whole time while laying on the road. Many things went through my mind while laying there. My pastor who was riding just in front of me and my son who was following in a van made sure I didn't get up. I remember the pain in my head the most. While I was looking to the heavens believing this was the end I asked the Lord why. I remember the blue skies turning red as the blood filled my eyes. My son stayed by my side until the paramedics arrived.

While this was going on what I didn't see was a group of people formed, other drivers who happened to be Christians. They stood on the road side and prayed for me. Other people stopped and were helping in other ways. Bringing water and towels and things of that nature.

I was taken to the trauma center at Cheyenne regional hospital where they stabilized me and sent me into surgery. They called in a plastic surgeon to put my face back together. Although I still don't look like Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson the Doc did a great job. They lost count of the stitches the needed to get it all back
together but somewhere way over a hundred is what the Doc said.

My son called many of my family members while I was on my way to the hospital, one of them being my wife who I was separated from. Without any thought she left her job and got in the car and started driving. She had a 3 hour trip to where I was and did not know if I was going to live or die. As she drove across Wyoming she had no cell phone signal to even check in to see how things were going. She now tells me that it was the worst trip of her life, struggling with all the things we were going through in our relationship. She sad if I had died she would never be able to forgive herself. But I know the Lord would have.

The end result on the physical side was 100 plus stitches in my face and they had to sew my upper lip back on. I also have a plate and some screws in my shoulder. My physical and emotional recovery continues to this day. My wife and I are back together and with the Lords help our marriage is even stronger today.

The Lord did what it took to get us back together and I truly feel blessed. I can see the Lords hand in everything I have been through in the past several months and I look at life a lot differently than I ever have before. I still struggle with nightmares and some people around me struggle with some other changes I have gone through. I know longer wish to be surrounded by negative people who spend much of their time miserable. Life is truly precious and every moment of it is a blessing from the Lord. He brought us back together and kept me alive for a purpose. Who am I to question that purpose? I now prefer to spend my time searching for that purpose each day, what ever it may be.

Sean Leahey
Feb. 2009

Brother Sean,

I am so very thankful that you have found the strength to share this story with your riding brothers and sisters. I am also thankful that you are still finding physical and emotional healing. I pray that one day you will find peace with your life journey and embrace it and all the love, learning and lessons as you go forward; that the nightmares will cease and that visions of ministry and purpose will replace them, not only at night but all the day through, too!

Sometimes we are blessed to have angels revealed to us and it sounds as though your wife has been one for you as you heal and recover. I pray that you both continue to grow and heal and celebrate your lives.

Blessings to you and thank you for sharing your story.

Your sister in spirit,

tink

February 2009

Dear Readers,

What follows is the first part of a story by my new friend, Dave.

Dave first contacted me with a short paragraph. I felt a spiritual nudge while reading it and wondered if there was more that needed to be shared. I didn't know if it was that the person sharing his story needed something more, or if someone who would be reading it would need more. So, I asked Dave if he could share in more detail; would he be willing to share the sights, sounds and smells, if you will, of his crash story. I knew it would bless many when they read it.

Dave agreed to share and what follows is the first part of his amazing journey. Following in the footsteps of so many on this site, he has blessed us all with the telling of his experience. I marvel at his strength and  open heart which he shares with us ALL.

Please meet, my spiritual brother, Dave:

Tink

                                                                   PART 1 OF DAVE'S STORY
 

Dear Tink,

My story starts on 11-20-08.

I came home from work and prepared to go to my Bill and Bob meeting at 7:00 pm. My truck was being repaired so I decided to take my Yamaha V Star 1100 Classic to the meeting less than 2 miles away. I changed into some boots, jeans, riding gloves and a denim jacket (NO HELMET). I had a lot of dirt bike experience but very little cruiser experience.

I only had the bike for 10 days, and had ridden it every day and my confidence was growing after every ride. It was dark when I left my home and had my lights on. I was riding along at about 20 to 30 MPH. The street I was on had some work done on it and it was torn up all along the curb. I was 3 blocks from my home when a black SUV came around the corner and started driving down the middle of the street headed right for me. I think it was in the middle of the street because it wanted to avoid the pot holes all along the edge. I tried to move over and let it pass but there was a car parked on my side of the street which limited my options. I honked and flashed my lights, but it did not alter its course. I tried to move over and all of a sudden I was falling.

I hit the asphalt hard. I fell on my right side and I felt the air pushed out of my lungs. I was stunned; I saw white stars for a second just like the cartoons. In a split second I felt angry, at the driver of the black SUV, I thought of the damage to my MC, I thought of the police, the embarrassment of falling, and if I was hurt. I wondered if I was going to walk away from this accident or if it was going to affect my life in a very involved financial, medical and healing manner.

Once I gathered my thoughts more clearly I crawled out from under the Motorcycle and knew I wasn't going to walk for a while. I tried to get up, but I couldn't. I could feel my right leg was like a bag of loose bones. I got on my back and the SUV was inspecting me like some black vulture. I thought of what the driver was going to tell me, when it slowly stared to drive away. I was surprised that the SUV drove away. As I lay on my back alone on the side of the dark street and looked up at the sky I thought I'm lucky to be alive.

I began to pray and asked GOD to guide me and grant me strength to do his will. I Knew I was going to need it. I began to ponder my future. I saw at once that I was going to need help to get through this. I was going to have to learn to accept help. I thought of the people who love and care about me. How will I break the news to them without scaring them?  I also thought about my job. 

My musing was interrupted by a shadow. I looked up and I saw the "guy" that hangs out by the
apartment building dumpster. He was more scared than I was. I asked him to please bring help from the fire station one block away. He scurried off. I thought I'm not going to make it to the meeting. I remembered I had my Cell phone with me; I pulled it out and called the love of my life.

I calmly told her where I was and that if she could come and get me, because I had fallen off the bike. She did not believe me at first.  As I hung up 2 off duty paramedics showed up. They were all excited. They took really good care of me. By this time I thought in the back of my mind my leg doesn't hurt....YET. I began to engage in friendly conversation with the two gentlemen that where helping me. They advised me that the ambulance would come but it was out on a call. So resigned myself to be patient and wait. 

I was now starting to consider that my recovery was going to be a long journey of renewed self
discovery. GOD was going to teach me new things. I was going to have to grow in new ways. Great things were going to happen to me. I wasn't scared and it didn't hurt. I felt protected. 

Finally all at once everybody showed up, my loved ones, police, neighbors, rubberneckers, and the ambulance. It was a real spectacle.  There were diesel fumes from the ambulance, flashing lights and radio talk filled the night. I was waiting for the news to show up. "New flash motorcycle driver breaks leg...film at 11:00" I was so embarrassed.

Everyone was concerned with my head and neck, but I knew my problem was my right leg. I smiled and told my loved ones not to worry. I made small jokes and cooperated with everyone.

Then the question I dreaded the most came up.....Were you wearing a helmet? I wanted to lie...... yes, but a dog ran off with it.  I knew it wasn't a smart choice not to wear a helmet. I answered sheepishly, NO; I was not wearing a helmet.  The police man and everybody frowned in unison.  I asked "am I going to get a ticket for this"? Then I changed it to am I going to get TICKETS"? The police said yes. I knew I was going to deal with a lot of things. 

Then I heard the other dreaded question "should I call your mother?  I said NO! no way, not yet. I did not tell my family I bought a motorcycle. (On an interesting note: My parents said "They felt something about me and passed by my home 3 blocks away from the accident and saw the ambulance , but thought nothing of it because I should had been at my meeting ")  Before I was placed in the ambulance I asked is my bike alright? Everybody within earshot said "DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR BIKE".

The emergency crew immobilized my neck and placed me in the ambulance. The paramedic closed the doors and said" your leg is busted up pretty bad, I goanna give you some morphine." I told him I have confession to make. He eyes grew wide and he said what. Have you been drinking, you on drugs or what?  I said no, quite the contrary I am a recovering addict. I don't ever want to go back to the way I was. Don't give me anything, I'll tough it out. He gave me a high five and said you hang in there buddy.  You stay drug free there's a lot of messed up people out.

He banged on the wall and said let's GO!!!!!

To be continued..........

Dave

                                                                   PART 2 OF DAVE'S STORY

On the way to the hospital I'm thinking what went wrong ?, how did I fall?, was it my fault?, what's going to happen to me? what is everybody going to say? and how much is this going to hurt? Everybody is going to say "I TOLD YOU SO", or if they don't say they are thinking it. I can see it right behind their eye.

I was put in a stall and slowly it began to fill with loved ones, medical staff and friends. I did not realize how many people would be concerned for me. Mary Jo followed the ambulance. People from the group started showing up. Juan, Oscar, Richard, Genny, Terri, Marco, Danny, Ismael, Ethan H., and Joe F. My sister and brother in law. ( My sister and brother in law are not in the group).

They started hooking me up to monitors and fluids. The doctor appeared and confirmed that I did not want any narcotics. The Dr. explained that it was going to hurt, but all I could think of was, not more than what I've been through. The pain of addiction is much worse.

They asked if they should cut my boots off and my wife smiled. She had been trying to get me to throw away those old boot forever. I said yes but I'm taking them with me. ( I'm wearing them right now. Since they are cut, they are easy to put on and off.)  The pants could not be saved, a casualty of the accident. Mama always says wear clean underwear, I did not have any on. I remain modest and covered up the best I could.

I thought I wanted to be alone with my pain but was fortunate to be surrounded by friends and loved ones. I did not want to be alone. Everyone offered encouragement, prayers and pledged their help. They took X rays and they showed that my leg had "some breaks" and I would be going home. By the grace of god I made it home. Just getting in and out of the car was a monumental task. I smiled because I  saw so many outstretched hands. I don't know how I made it to my bed on a walker.

The next day I finally made it to the Doctor office, in a van and wheel chair. Before I went into the doctor's office I called my parents to inform them of my condition. My mother was so upset that she came to the doctor's office and told me so, in front of all the patients. I'm 47 years old but I will always by her youngest son. I sat there and took it. She got it off her chest and she has been helpful and understanding ever since. 

The doctor saw my x rays and said congratulations you did a great job on your leg with the motorcycle. The swelling would have to go down, before he could operate. I waited 20 days in bed with my leg elevated and iced. Taking a "bath" sleeping, eating and going to the restroom took on new meaning. ( here is a site for helpful info. if you are ever in need  http://www.mybrokenleg.com/ )

My wife took time from work to be with me and help me. I prayed A lot and gave thanks for having this wonderful angel caring for me. My wife helped my with my insurance, insurance payments, benefits, getting and giving medication, feeding, food, drinks, lifting, pulling, getting everything for me, wheelchair, bathroom chair, ice packs all day long, changing sheets, adjusting my leg, and too many things to list. I had to learn to give her some space.

I learned that I had no business being on a bike that day. My ego and pride got the best of me. I need to be properly instructed.

Riding a motorcycle is a serious endeavor, not to be taken lightly. I need a safety course, pass test, read owner's manual, and the laws of Texas, a MC License, insurance, inspection sticker, proper boots, jacket, pants, gloves, and helmet. I will also wear leg armor. I am also going to add engine guards to my bike.  Safety first!!!!!!

 I need to represent the riding community responsibly. I need to be a responsible rider. I need to be educated and informed. Motorcycle riding will always be dangerous, I don't need to be a danger to myself. I have decided to ride responsibly.

TY David

P.S. I have remained narcotic-free, except for the operation. On May 7th 2009 I celebrate Five Years of sobriety

Dear Readers,

This is such an inspirational story!  I feel so very blessed that David has given so much of himself to us. He obviously wants, like me, to let you know that if you are dealing with this type of trauma that you are not alone. He has shared his faults, with regards to that day and event, and he has shared his strong spirit and desire to be well and healthy.  

A victim of a motorcycle crash can identify with his thoughts, emotions and pain. But ANYONE can find encouragement as they read about how he deals with ( and over comes )  his embarrassment, feelings of shame, experiences of isolation, other's judgments and the physical trauma.

Anyone who battles an addiction of any kind can identify with the depth of character one must have to survive what life brings and stay clean in the process. The discipline required is awe-inspiring and his commitment to valuing himself in order to recognize the threat to his sobriety is a lesson we should all think over and somehow make our own, whether we struggle with an addiction or not.

David's humility is his strength; then, now, and forever. He has opened a door through which you have just stepped. All the stories here on Biker's Haven are powerful for the very same reason. Those who share here humble themselves in order to strengthen, not only themselves, but you. They all share their lowest moments in order that we ALL might be lifted up together by virtue of the knowledge that we are not alone in our experiences, our feelings, our desires to connect, to feel whole again and to be well and happy.

 I told David, and I shall tell you as well, that sometimes we just need to have someone, anyone, tell us that they can't imagine how hard it must be to get through "this". BUT, they see that we ARE getting through it and "I am here, should you need me."  We need someone to whisper in our ear at just the right moment ,"Keep going, you are doing a great job!".

 Brothers and Sisters, I want to tell you now..."You are blessed.... you ARE doing a great job.... keep going!"

your sister in spirit

 tink

November 2008

Tink

I wrote regarding my son in January this year. ( The TRX accident) At that time I reported that he had no broken bones but shortly after posting it was discovered that he had a fracture of the Talus bone in his ankle. For the rest of this year we have been taking him to hospital for a couple of operations and rehabilitation etc. Now he has a couple of pins in his ankle but it fortunately seems to be healing well. The talus bone is notoriously difficult to deal with. It has been a year of frustration as well as triumphs as he gradually got back on his feet. Actually he has a problem with deep vein thrombosis in his other leg from birth so for a while he could not walk at all.

But things are getting better. I sometimes looked at the response to my post from you during that time and it really helped me to keep on top of things.

Now he is talking about getting another bike. I have mixed feelings about this. Any advice?   Thanks for your site. It really does help all of us involved in these terrible situations.

 Thanks for your helpful comments to all
 

Steve

Dear Steve,

I am so thrilled to hear from you again!
 

Thank you for your update, I often think of all who have written to me and wonder how they are doing. So, it is with a grateful heart that I write back to you now.

I am so very sorry to hear that it has been a trying year. Going in and out of the hospital for operations is a very draining and stress filled process. It seems, at times, that for the parent(s) who is (are) giving the care, they can do little to impact the situation and make things markedly better for their child. This in itself can become frustrating, not to mention heart breaking. As a parent we often want to take their burden of pain and hard effort upon ourselves and free our children from them. However, to do so would mean that neither child NOR parent continues to learn and grow as is appropriate for both in those capacities. Your willingness to witness and help him bear, without judgment,  the 'triumphs' and the 'frustrations' as well, provides him not only continuing comfort, but an example of unselfish love that will be the rock solid foundation he models many, MANY other relationships upon in his lifetime. As a parent, when we are forced to cope with these types of situations we, too, grow in so many ways and find OUR way to the people we were born to be.

 As for him wanting to ride again...
I do have several thoughts.

Go WITH him to a basic rider course and take the written lessons and test and, if you can, ( you really won't regret it) take the instruction on the bike they provide. They have small engines and are easy to handle. At the end of the weekend you may get your motorcycle license but no one will force you to ride again if you do not ever want to. BUT you have the option. (I know women who have started riding at the age of 61 or older.)

The reason I suggest this is because you need to have even a small idea about what your son's experience is and it will provide you with a working knowledge ( not to mention, inform your conversations with him ) of that experience.

I also recommend it  for your son because  he  has been off a bike for quite a long time and if he has learned anything this past year, hopefully, he has learned humility with regards  to  his riding. He will know , now,  that to keep himself  and others on the road safe , he must not be proud. He must recognize that he needs a starting point and a safety course is just the proper place to do that. If you can do it together, as you have done healing together this past year, the bonding continues. You enter his life on a deeper level  ( and maybe, just maybe, you could share the passion  )   AND he has a great and safe environment in which to begin riding  again.

Even if you prefer not to take the instruction on the bike I would recommend that you go with him and share this new beginning also. Remind him that when he rides....you ride too. That what happens to him, affects you deeply!! Talk to him about why he rides. Model for him the understanding of those reasons..the very same understanding you want him to have for you ,  the parent who wants to protect him.

For someone who has not enjoyed the experience of riding, there is nothing that I can say that will help you understand the need we have to ride. When we are driving we are thinking about how the road would feel on the bike. When we are resting we are thinking about our next ride. When we wake in the morning we are wondering if there will be any chance our schedules, or the weather, will give us an opportunity to ride.

The most important things is that he is healthy, physically and mentally to ride again. The doctor can tell him when he is physically healthy and taking a rider course will  help  ensure that he is mentally ready too. Like everything else in life, we must find our balance on a daily basis. Baby steps to a healthy ankle...baby steps to riding again....baby steps to letting him go into his life as he defines it.  

You must both find compassion for what the other is feeling, work out where to meet in the middle and allow the other to choose how they will go forward. This is the way of parents and children. Especially when those children are grown young men.

I hope that you never stop talking and conversing with him. That you never stop modeling unselfish love, wise decision making processes, compassion and patience. Any one can teach him how to ride. Fathers teach how to be a good man.

Many Blessings,

Please let us know how things unfold for you.

Your sister in spirit,

Tink

P.S....readers...please feel free to offer your words of encouragement.

November 2008

Hi, my name is Neo from a motorcycle ministry called Frontline Warriors. I stumbled on your site from a friend.  I really like it.  I had a close friend of mine go down about a year ago, and he was in a coma and eventually went to be with the Lord.  This story really touches my heart. His name is Wes Estes.  He left behind a loving family and 2 daughters.  I have a lot of love and respect for him.  I usually hold my feelings back, but, I busted down and cried seeing him in the hospital.  He was a great friend, and a great father.  I still miss him, and cry a little when I think about him.  It makes me think a lot more when I'm out there riding. You can die at any moment, in the blink of an eye.  I know that it's dangerous every time that I go out there.  I keep hearing about people that get hit while riding, but, I still ride.  I thank God that I have never seriously been injured going down, I've just had a few bumps and scrapes. 

I miss this guy to this day, and still have the most love and respect for him and his family.  If his family sees this, I want them to know that they are always in my prayers and that they can email anytime they want.  Or anyone else that could use encouragement or prayer.  My email address is frontlineneo@yahoo.com. 

May everyone be blessed, and God Speed.

Neo

Dear Neo,

I am so glad that you were able to find this site!

I am thankful that you have shared your friend's story here and that you are able to share with our readers how you are feeling and how you are dealing with your grief over the loss of such a dear friend.

It is so hard when a loved one dies. When a loved one dies, the pain that comes as a response to our loss of them never really ever goes away.

In the beginning we are flooded, and nearly overwhelmed, with emotional and physical pain, sadness and grief. As time goes by it all begins to ebb but throughout the rest of our lives we will be caught off guard, surprised, and momentarily crippled on occasion, by stabbing pains of grief again.

I extend my heart felt condolences over the loss of your friend. He sounds as though he was not only a great friend but a great dad and husband.

I can 'hear" that it brings you great comfort knowing that he is with the Lord, as it should. I hope that his family can find peace with that knowledge too and that they are able to bear this unspeakable grief through the hope of rising to meet him in the very heart of the Lord one day.

 Your faith keeps you moving forward and your love of the open road keeps you riding. I think all who ride understand that deeply.

 Your tears have now been shared with, not only the biking community, but a community of those who have suffered a crash or a loss of a loved one to a crash. I would venture to believe that they all  are familiar with the need to remember and to cry.

Ride safe my brother and thank you for sharing yourself and for sharing
your friend Wes with us too!

Blessings to you too!

Your sister in spirit
tink

October 2008

My husband and I had just finished doing the chores around the house and yard; we had a couple of weeks left on the insurance; it was a beautiful, sunny day in October; we thought we'd take the scenic route down island (we live in the Comox Valley on Vancouver Island, Canada). As we were riding down the highway, after just leaving Union Bay town limits and speeding up a bit, a fellow left the rest area and not seeing us, decided to pull out onto the highway. Even though we saw it starting to happen (everything was in slow motion) and we tried pulling further onto the shoulder, we were still struck by the vehicle and thrown approximately 40 feet from the bike (thank God, it was a 2007 Harley Road King). We flew between two telephone poles and into the ditch. My left leg was severely mangled; I had to be air-lifted to the nearest big hospital; my husband had the bottom of his left leg mangled and the roll bar on the front of the bike had bent up catching his front foot. He lost 3 toes; the doctors had tried sticking them back on, but they didn't regenerate. My son had recently joined the Union Bay Fire Department and they were the firs responders for the accident. I thank God he wasn't on call that weekend! 

I sit hear a year later...recuperating from my 3rd operation. Hopefully, "3rd time the charm". My husband went back to work on August 23rd.

Now that I've written my little story, I'll get on to look at your site and see what's it's all about

Thanks

Chris

Dear Chris,

First of all I want to tell you how thankful I am, as a riding sister, that you and your husband are survivors of such a traumatic  event!!!!

Second, as the host of this site, I am thankful that you have written your story to be posted here. Please come back often to offer support or to add to your story.. or to post tributes to those who have helped you on your road to recovery.  I know that the people who come to the site would want to know how you are fairing and how you continue to cope with what happened to you. I think women would be especially interested to know how you cope differs from how your husband copes.

Third, I wish you only the best as you go forward. Three operations is a lot!! Are you able to walk unassisted when the operations heal? How about your husband? How have you thought about riding since the crash?  Let me know how you are as you heal from this third operation, would you?

My prayers and my love as a rider go out to you and your husband.

Blessings,
Your sister in spirit,
Tink

Dear Tink,
Thanks for writing back to me and wishing us the best! To answer your three questions first of all:

I have been unable to walk since the initial operation last October. Every time I just start progressing in my physiotherapy, I have had to have an operation; they have set me back to square one! My husband has been walking since about April, takes a lot more chances than myself! He has had dreams about riding a Harley-Davidson since he was very young and has been riding since then; as soon as he is capable in his own mind of being able to lift the bike if it falls, he wants to ride again! Not so for me! I always say a prayer for the bike riders I see as I pass in a car.

I seem to be healing a lot better this time (I think it might also have something to do with "mind over matter") and want to be able to walk on my own without the walker at Christmastime.

Thanks again for the reply.
Chris

Dear Chris,
Wow! I didn't realize that you had not been walking for such a long time. It certainly is time for your complete healing to come to you!

So often we get so sad and depressed on such a deep, deep level that our conscious minds are not even aware of it and we "can't seem to understand
why we are not getting and/or feeling better" It is not unlike a deep muscle trauma that takes a long time to be seen at the surface as bruising.

Our psychological states have a dramatic effect on our healing bodies. I am so glad that you, now, are feeling mentally strong enough to be determined to be victorious this time. I am here for you should you need a pep talk! :) 

Also, Thank you for saying prayers for your riding sisters and brothers. As you well know, now, we certainly need them and appreciate them. You are a great inspiration to many who will come here seeking encouragement and comfort. Just know that someone will read your words at a point when they feel they just can't bear it any longer and realize, through your story, that they actually have more strength inside and the will and determination to use it to recover. Recover both physically and mentally!

Thank you again for sharing so much of your self!

 We will keep in touch.

               Your sister in spirit,
                                       Tink

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