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Dear Tink,
My father in-law and
mother in-law were always on the go kind of people very
involved with there Gold Wing motorcycle chapter. In the
beginning of 2007, he and a few others from there
chapter had made plans to travel from Alabama up to
Canada starting in late May of 2007. He was so excited
like a kid in a candy store. He was and experience
driver who has been on a bike since he was 14 years
old. Sad to say that on June 1st on a back country
highway in New York he was hit head on by a 24year old
female that fell asleep at the wheel and went completely
into his lane and killing mom and dad instantly. I
begged him to sit this trip out and he would reply this
is going to be his last ride. Now I have lost dad, my
best friend, my fishing and hunting buddy because of
someone else's stupid mistake. I have also lost a mother
figure who to me was a loving saint. Two people who can
never be replaced.
Gregory
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Dear Gregory,
How very, very sad this is! To
lose two caring and loving people who seem to have
made such a significant contribution to your sense
of belonging
and of being loved.
How beautiful and rare that
you felt so much for your Father-in-law and your
Mother-in-law. I can "hear" the pain their death
brings to your world. Your loving words about your
father-in-law...that he was "my best friend, my
fishing buddy" ...someone so significant that you
call him Dad! I can imagine how hard it must be. My
own Father who died three years ago was a GREAT
fisherman and hunter. He shared his love of the
outdoors with
his children and he
brought so much passion to the things he loved to
do. I know that when I ride he is with me and he
would be so proud that his
"little one" rode.
I hope that as you go forward in this life journey,
that you are able to know your Dad's presence with
you again as you pursue your love of fishing and
hunting. ...that you can know the joy of sharing
your passion for the outdoors again with someone who
will truly appreciate your love and attention as you
did with your Father-in-law. This will help to heal
those wounds somewhat.
I also "hear" the almost sacred regard you had for
your Mother-in-law. Again, Gregory, how very
beautiful. Losing a Mother is like no other type of
loss. As a mother myself I just know that my love
for my children will Never diminish...not even death
can take my love for them away.
In this way your Mom loves you
still and I do wish for you that you take her kind,
loving ways into your own life as you go forward.
Their love and
regard for you is
obvious in this: your testament here to their
goodness.
Never doubt that they are with
you as you go forward...the relationship you shared
with them gave YOU so much and is a part of the man
you are
now. Keep that Love close to
your heart and let it continue to help you and
nurture you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I
hope that peace is yours in the future. As I share
with others here...if it would help you to set up a
memorial page for
them, then please send
me a photo of them and then you and others can come
and pay your respects any time you like. I will keep
you in my thoughts, Gregory,
Your sister in spirit,
Tink |
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Dear Tink,
My husband died from a motorcycle
accident on March 6, 2007! It was the first warm day
and he had a meeting at work! Most of his friends at
his job had motorcycles also! To back up just a
little, he bought the motorcycle without talking to
me first and even though he had one before I never
wanted him to have another one! He always had the
motorcycle put in the shop and checked out every
spring before he rode it! We argued a bit that
morning because I wanted him to do the check up
before he took it out He rode it anyway. He was
supposed to be home by 4:00 p.m. and at 6:00 the
panic started to set in! I called work he had left
for home on time! I called the highway patrol and
they said yes he's still alive! We all hot to the
hospital and the doctor came in and said so sober
and uncaring "I doubt he lives and if does he will
be a vegetable" then he turned and walked away!
I never saw the doctor again! My husbands body
slowly shut down! I watched hi slowly shut down for
30 hours until he was pronounced brain dead! He was
unconscious, as the police officer said at the scene
he seemed to be okay so they didn't notify me! But
as I held his hand and told him I loved him tears
ran down his cheeks! The nurse said it was probably
just drainage but I know it was tears! Its been 10
months and I just keep reliving it! I have tried
counseling, widow sites, books it is like a movie
replaying in my head every day! He was wearing a
helmet! Thirty Eight years of marriage is just
really hard to let g of! I am trying to adjust to
being alone some days are okay and others are awful!
Peggy
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Dear Peggy,
Thank you so much for sharing your story
with me.
It is such a touching and heart wrenching
story.
There is so much grief when any one loses a
loved one. It seems that when it is a
motorcycle accident, the burden weighs
heavier for those left behind.
It can very difficult for someone who has
not ridden to figure out why a rider chooses
to ride. This compounds the grieving process
intensely.
My heart went out to you as you described
how cold the Doctor seemed....how nonchalant
the Police officer seemed....and of course
as you held your husband’s hand, you saw his
tears and they spoke volumes to you.
You say that thirty-eight years of marriage
is "just really hard to let go of". I don't
think that letting go of those years is
possible. They are a part of who you are now
and can not be erased. Those years have
helped to define who you are. Ten months of
living without your husband must seem
endless after having him for thirty-eight
years. Moving on with out him is so
unfamiliar after all that time with him.
I wish I could help you to stop re-playing
it over and over in your mind. The mind
needs to make sense of it for the heart and
this incessant replaying is the process. The
more you talk about it…the more you describe
the scenes in your mind…the more you talk
and get the visions from your mind out in
words, the better you will be. The less they
will play.
But you have suffered a grievous loss and it
may take some time for the re-plays to
subside. Keep sharing your story as often as
you can. This will help so much!!! And in
the process you may help to heal someone
else suffering the same pain and agony.
You are proving that you are strong in that
you have sought places to ease your grief
and perhaps help others to grieve. You have
found your way to Biker's Haven, too. This
is a very good thing.
Do not lose heart my sister. Your beloved
wants you to know life and happiness once
again. His love for you would not want you
to suffer so desperately. I can only imagine
how much he wants you to stop hurting, how
much he wants you to remember his life with
you and recall the times of joy and love.
Recall the strength of your commitment to
one another and honor the strength He gave
you…and gives you still…as you journey
forward.
Your sister in spirit,
Tink
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Hi
Peggy,
I'm
so glad you posted your story for others to read. I hope
it will help to know that I feel your pain so strongly.
It's so bad that we have come together under such sad
circumstances. I am here to share your pain, and try to
get thru this with you always. May God give us the
strength we need to carry on in this life and may we
find Hope in knowing that out husbands are just one
heartbeat away.
With Love,
Cathy |
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March 2008
Dear Tink,
I found your site today. I would like to pay
tribute to my husband and Eternal Soulmate, Gary ( Gary's
Memorial Page is located
here).
On March 12th, 2007 I lost
him. He had just celebrated his 60th birthday. He
didn't want to turn 60. He had almost a fear about
it I'd say. The one thing he said he really wanted
was a motorcycle. His friend was an experienced
rider (Gary was not) and he wanted to experience the
thrill of a bike. I said no. Over and over again,
until he just wore me down. I thought, who was I to
deny him of this experience if it would make him
happy then, o.k. I had a terrible gut feeling about
it though. I didn't want him on one, ever. I gave in
and bought him a new Victory Hammer. I gave it to
him the night of his surprise party, March 10th. It
was a wonderful party filled with family and friends
from all over. Utah, Texas and Nevada. He was
overwhelmed and so happy.
Then on Monday the 12th, he took it out for the
maiden ride with his "friend" who I found out from
the police report had left him alone on a 2 lane
road that he had never been on before. He was over 1
mile ahead of him and when Gary finally caught up to
him he was sitting at a fork in the road waiting for
Gary to catch up to him. He came up over the hill
and saw his friend sitting there. Going over 60 mph,
he hit the rear brake and locked it up.
He died instantly.
Why did he leave him? Why didn't he stay with him
and show him the way? I will never know because he
has never called me to see how I am or if I need
anything. I know he knows what he did (or didn't do)
that day. All of our friends are so angry at him and
have written him off as have I. Only God knows why
Gary left us that day. Our pain is unbearable and
life is a constant struggle. I gave him a kiss that
day and said "be careful honey, have fun and I love
you". Thats the last thing I ever got to say to my
baby.
I have been going to grief therapy and it helps. I
thought maybe I could find some peace with what
happened that day though through this site because
he died on the bike.
I have gotten past the guilt I felt about buying the
bike for him. I know he would have probably bought
it if I didn't but it still crosses my mind everyday
that I bought it for him and he died on it.
We were married almost 15 years and have 3 children
between us. I lost my best friend, lover and the one
I lived for. I know my life will go on but its tough
and very sad now.
I miss you baby, All my Love Eternally, Your baby
xoxoxoxo
Cathy
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Dear
Cathy,
First of all I want to extend my heart felt
condolences to you, your children, your extended
family and all the lives that experienced grief
and sadness over the death of your husband Gary.
Secondly, thank you for sharing your story with
us and for sharing the beautiful picture of you
and your husband.
Your story and your picture will speak to many
who have been through similar losses. My hope,
too, is that you find comfort in sharing this
with us all and in memorializing your loved one
in this manner.
As I read your words I am touched by the desire
you had to give him something that you knew
would delight him: A party, his friends and a
motorcycle. I am also moved by your words
describing everything that happened in stark
contrast to that birthday party two days later.
I can't imagine how very difficult it must be to
not be able to talk with the man who was riding
with your husband the day he died. My heart goes
out to you as you wrestle with your feelings
surrounding this. I can 'hear' the frustration
as you describe what you were told about the
chain of events.
You have shared that you are seeking grief
therapy to help ease the "unbearable pain" and I
hope that the others out there who have similar
grief experiences will find that
encouraging....so that they too go and get help
any where they can. I do so hope that the love
of your family and friends strengthens you and
that you have many wonderful memories of your
husband's love for you.
It is my honor to bring your story to the world
and to allow others to know how much you loved
him and how much you will miss him.
Please, Cathy, do not hesitate to write again
and let us all know how you are doing.
Though we have never met, we are sisters in
spirit and I will keep you in my heart.
Tink
Jan.2008
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