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My son has been
riding from age 16. He started with
a scooter then he went to a 250 off
road bike and last year after
getting his "big bike" license he
found himself a Yamaha TRX at age
22. A great bike. He has always been
very safety conscious and when he
got the TRX he got the right gear
for riding. He fitted frame sliders
and customized the bike to his
liking. It really was his baby. He
looked after it really well. I say
"was " because on Monday (2 days
ago) he had an accident. He was
traveling on th highway when a car
suddenly changed lanes and hit him.
Fortunately he had no broken bones
but heavy bruising to his left leg
and a sprain to his ankle.
I think that the outcome could have
been a lot worse, especially he
could have been run over by a
following car. Also he was wearing
the right gear.
Now he is home and recovering. We
still don't know the fate of the
bike as being New Year time it is
difficult to get things going with
insurance etc. My purpose of writing
this is not only to share the story
but ask for advice. What is the best
way to deal with all this. He is
taking it really well but I can see
he is devastated over the probable
loss of his bike. I know it is early
days but I feel that now is the time
to get help and advice. Thanks for
reading.
Steve |
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First... let me say how very happy I am that
your son is doing well physically. That is a
true blessing.
Second... let me say that it must be very
traumatic for ALL of you to deal with this
accident. When one person rides that person's
loved ones become affected by the events and
adventures the rider has.
Third... I have to say as I re-read your letter
that you are a great parent. Most would be
ranting and raving and very angry from fear. You
seem to be seeing the man in the 22 year old and
know that he has his life to live which is made
better and enhanced by riding.
I know that the loss of something that helps you
feel so in control and so strong and quite
nimble, agile and creative (yes creative), like
a good motorcycle, can be difficult to over
come. Not to mention the fact that when an
accident occurs one REALLY understands that for
as much as we feel in control...there are
elements of the ride we can not control. This
can often feel like a betrayal.
I think for most things in life, the good and
the bad, we are better off separating the
elements when it comes time to cope with them.
If we can try to do this we are freed up from
overwhelming emotional responses and can access
our learned wisdom and fortify it going forward
with lessons learned retaining our dignity.
Keeping feelings out of how to replace the bike
is a good place to start. As much as he loved
the bike....there is a new ride out there should
he choose to get back in the saddle. The
insurance companies vary and I know that from
what others have told me it can be quite
frustrating. So anticipate that going forward
and try not to get too impatient. But, keeping
an eye on the acquisition of the new bike that
will eventually take place, work through the
red-tape in baby steps.
Use the time to heal psychologically. Talk with
him whenever he needs to about the particulars
of the accident. If it starts to drift into
regret over not having his bike state that
procuring another one is happening and get back
to helping him work through the event itself. He
may need to talk about it a lot. He is probably
going over it and over it....constantly. So the
more he gets it out...over and over again , the
better he will be.
Once he gets to the point where he can actually
purchase another bike financially...he may not
decide to ride right away. Let him find his
way...a little at a time. It may take a couple
of months it may take 6 or 7 (maybe even longer)
before he feels ready to throw a leg over
again....depending on his personality and his
own methods of coping.
It might even be good for him to come to Bikers
Haven and write out his memories of the event to
facilitate that purge. AND help others!
Thank you Steve for writing. I will keep you in
thoughts....write again if you need. I will post
your story tonight and hope that other readers
will reach out to you and your son! keep us
posted. Let us know what is working for you and
what isn't!
Warm Wishes as you all heal,
Tink |
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My husband purchased a 2005 Softail
Deuce and started customizing a
little at a time. He loved his bike
so much, no one could come near his
bike and especially sit on it, he
used to say it was his "baby". Then
on Sept 29, 2007 as he left to go
to work , I told him I loved him and
gave him a kiss and I that was the
last time I saw my husband. He was
killed 5 minutes from our house. I
married him when I was 15 and we had
been married 18 years with 5
children all under 16. He was the
breadwinner in our home so this has
left my children and I in a very
tought predicament. I know how all
the riders and very united because
my husband went to many many rallies
and he would tell me how united
everyone was. Now I am asking you if
you know of any support groups that
I could join to help ease my pain
and also any type of fundraising
groups to help with my children's
future.
Hope to hear from you,
thank you,
Sonia
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Sonia,
I am so sorry to hear of the death of your love. It
must be a difficult and seemingly overwhelming
journey that you are now forced to take. But,
because you have shared you story, here, others will
benefit and we may be able to start helping people
like yourself, in a very real way.
One suggestion I would make would be to try to
contact those riders your husband spent time with .
Find out if they would be willing to hold a ride in
your husband’s memory. Ride fees and donations or an
agreed portion of them could go to you.
Your Husband was right about riders being connected
through our passion and love of riding and your
local riding community is the right place to start
to look for help.
I ask our readers to also help by sharing their own
stories, their discoveries of help and ask them to
offer you support through this site.
There are many who have had a hard and difficult
journey because they or someone they love rides and
have suffered an injury or even death because of it.
We need a place to hurt and to heal…YOU need a place
to hurt and to heal….this is a good place to start.
I would also suggest that you find a place of
worship near you…even if you may not have deep
religious feelings….you may find that they will have
support groups that will help you in many ways, and
help your children too.
In the mean time I will look for you on-line for
more support groups and ask that the readers also
respond with stories, words of support and
suggestions.
We are a community and we need to support our own
and those who love us!
Please feel free to e-mail again…use the memory page
with a picture of your husband and his
bike…prayers….
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your
family, Sonia!
Tink
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Dear Sonia,
I too lost my
husband on a motorcycle March 12th, 2007. I have
been searching for a site to talk to someone who
(unfortunately) had lost their husband as I did.
While its a tragedy to say the least< I hope it will
help you to know that you are not alone in this. I
am here. I feel your pain like no one else can and
if you ever want to talk, I am here to listen, cry,
and heal with you. May you find strength from your
memories of life with your husband and may you have
a brighter tomorrow.
Hugs to you,
Cathy
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HI Tink,
Just wanted to share my experience. I was
riding double with my husband on our new
harley heritage. We were on vacation in
North Carolina and were heading back to our
friends house to ride together for the last
time before we headed home to Pa. We were
making a left hand turn when a truck ran a
stop sign and hit us. We were both taken to
the hospital with road rash on our arms and
hands and I had whiplash. After returning
home to Pa. I was scheduled to take my Motor
Cycle Safety Course. You guessed it I was
terrified - I dumped the bike the first day
on the course and didn't complete the
course. I was frustrated and upset with
myself but also was determined to learn to
drive my own bike so with that determination
and a very understanding instructor I took
the course again and passed it this time.
My husband helped me pick out and purchase a
250cc Alpha Sport and with his encouragement
I finally got up the courage to go out onto
the road. It took me a year to become
comfortable on the bike - but because of his
encouragement I kept going. This summer I
have put over 3000 miles on my bike and have
enjoyed every minute of it. I rarely ride
behind him on the Harley. I am now in the
market for something a little bigger ( I am
currently looking at a V Star 650).
I know how difficult it was for me to get
back on the big bike when we picked it up
after it was repaired and even harder to get
my license but if you want something bad
enough go for it and you will find the
courage to do it.
I know God was with us that day and he is
on my shoulder every day that I ride. I
would like to thank you for the opportunity
to share my experience and hope it helps
others to get over their fear after an
accident - If I can do it at 60 years old
anyone can!!!!!
Mary in Pennsylvania
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Hey my riding sister, Mary!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all I want to thank you VERY much for sharing
your story. It happens SOOO often that when we tell
about our experiences and our true feelings that result
from those experiences, that others seem to find
permission to share the story of their troubles, fears,
anxieties and
subsequent stories of victory and accomplishment!
Second, I do not think any one can know the level of
fear and then courage that is experienced in a situation
like yours unless one has gone through something of the
same magnitude. Those who have taken into their very
beings this kind of life altering event are the ones who
know how much it becomes a part of who you are every
day.
I am thankful with you that your injuries were not more
severe AND thankful that your sharing will inspire many
to continue to pursue their dream of riding.
I do not know your physical size, but you will probably
really love the VStar!!!! I would consider it a
privilege to ride with you (I live in Central NJ…..), so
any time you want a sister to ride with you just let me
know…we will figure out how to make it happen!
In Joy,
Tink |
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February
13th 2007
Hi, Tink!
I want to tell you the story of Chris, who
was my boyfriend for 3 years, and remains my
truest friend today. It was May 1, 2005,
and I had learned just the day before that I
was going to have a baby!! I could barely
keep my eyes open with toothpicks, so I
slept most of the day on May 1. My phone
kept ringing and ringing, and I put a pillow
over my head and ignored it, hoping for a
just a few more winks. Then someone was
pounding on my door and screaming, and then
I learned that Chris had wrecked his bike
just down the street and was still at the
scene.
When I arrived, I witnessed hell. His bike
was still running, his clothes were
scattered on the street, his helmet was far
from where everything else was... and there
was blood everywhere. The ambulance had
just arrived and wouldn't let me see him...
and they told me to gather family and
friends. At the hospital, they told me to
prepare myself for the worst, and to just
take care of the tiny baby we were
expecting.
Chris' face was shattered like an egg.
Incredibly, however, not a single other bone
in his body was broken. According to the
police report, he was riding over 70 mph on
a residential street, had been drinking, and
lost control of his bike. His face hit a
light pole, but the fact that his bones
shattered saved his life - otherwise his
neck would have broken.
I should have known that Chris was too
stubborn to die. He has had quite a few
reconstructive surgeries, gotten a whole new
set of pearly whites, and is most proud that
his hair has grown back!!! He's still as
beautiful to me as he ever was, and has
benefited from this experience. He's even
back on his bike!! I'm proud of him, and I
know that God was with both of us that day.
The sad ending is that I lost our baby, and
Chris and I didn't make it through the
unbearable sadness and stress, but all
wounds heal in time and we are there for
each other. You can't go through life and
death with someone and not be connected at
the soul. And Tink, friends are the power
behind the healing.
Kerri
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Dear Kerri
...so often life is more than difficult, but your words ring
true and can help so many when they are hurting...."friends
are the power behind the healing". I admire your courage,
Chris' stubborn determination, and the love you continue to
share. Thank you for sharing your story and providing such
an inspiring example.
‘tink’ |
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